With the surge of sim games Like Surgeon Simulator, Goat Simulator, and Yandere Simulator, I thought I’d take I Am Bread, the bread simulator, for a spin. Because why the hell not?!
The First Slice
Bossa Studios, who is probably best know for Surgeon Simulator 2013, released I Am Bread for the PC on April 9th, 2015 and more recently let it loose on the PS4 in August. It is a game that takes a little getting used to… okay, a lot getting used to. Even after playing all of the modes several times, I’m still not sure how to feel about it
Past the Crust
Starting up Story Mode, I was shown a paper revealing the plot – a man is going through therapy because he thinks people are breaking into his house and leaving a single calling card: a piece of toast. Little does he know… THE TOAST IS YOU!! So the story is a little weird, but how else would you add plot to a game playing as a piece of bread whose only objective in life is to get toasted?
You control the bread, moving around several levels of the game made up of different rooms in the crazy man’s house. There are a couple gauges you have to pay attention to, like your Grip meter. This is how long you can hold onto a surface and support yourself before the meter empties and you fall to the floor. While on the floor, your second gauge will start to deplete. This is your Edibility meter and it starts at 100. The longer you are on the floor, in dirt, or touching ants, the lower the meter goes. If the meter hits zero, you must restart the level.
This all leads to the goal of each level: getting toasted. You start with jumping in a toaster, but as the levels go on, you will not have a toaster to jump into; you will have to find other heat sources to fulfill your quest. Getting to the heat sources may not be as easy as you think.
Bread Can’t Walk
If bread had legs this game would be much easier, but it doesn’t. The controls in I Am Bread are kind of, how can I put this… not good. Some people say “That’s the point, it is meant to be goofy and hard to control!”, but at times it is really frustrating. You use the shoulder buttons to grip surfaces and the thumb sticks to flip the bread around, moving forward or backwards. You can also grip objects when an X or square pop up, but I never really found that to be useful.
The bread also gets stuck a lot, mostly on the floor. This makes your edibility meter crash fast. Unless you are gripping and flipping, you’ll be stuck just sliding along on the floor very, very slowly.
Bugs In My Food
Now I know some problems can be user specific, but there were a few in this game that irked me. I have had to reinstall I Am Bread THREE times. The first time was from the game locking up every so often. The second and third were from the game completely losing sound – and by completely, I mean even after closing the game and reopening. Currently I am without sound, but don’t have the patience to reinstall it again at this moment. This may not be a bad thing, however; like the Goat Simulator music, it gets very repetitive. When mixed with the motion of the game, the soundtrack can make you a little queasy at times.
The Last Crumbs
I Am Bread is a neat idea, but I’m just not sold on the execution. The content is there with an actual story, bagel race mode (where you literally race as a bagel), a free roam mode, and a couple other modes where you can choose from some different “characters” (different types of bread). After playing it for a couple hours a day (over three days or so), I can safely say it is not something I would regularly play. Maybe as a gag game for a party it would be fine, but not for much more. If you have some money laying around in your account, buy some real bread so you can make sandwiches!
Dashing Nerds gives I Am Bread a 4/10.
- Gag game potential
- Creative storyline
- Crummy controls
- Nausea inducing soundtrack
- Makes you hungry