Top 10 Alternative Facts About Games!

A new era has dawned. An era where you can completely make something up and call it an “alternative fact” and it miraculously becomes true! Since there has been this radical new shift in what we know now and what we once knew, I figured I would take the time to share a few not so well known alternative facts about the gaming world. Now pay attention and no questions. PERIOD!

10. Pokemon can actually be used to summon demons

It’s like a really creepy Pokemon Snap

Long thought to be a myth made up by overprotective parents and crazy people has actually been proven true. It has been discovered that you can catch a Pokemon in Sun and Moon and transfer it to the real world using a little-known glitch in the game involving a hidden “Bill’s PC”. This hidden PC has an option to transfer to “Bill Gate’s PC”, which is any computer on the same network as your 3DS. Some have already escaped into the wild and are wreaking havoc as we speak. Nintendo is currently working on a patch to solve this issue.

9. Mother 3 has been out in the US this whole time

They changed the box art just a little bit

Apparently, you just didn’t look hard enough. Above is a copy that was found at a Gamestop in 2007 and I just saw one last week at Target. They had so many copies, all the copies, the best copies. Call your local Gamestop and check stock!

8. The name of the hero in the “Legend Of Zelda” series is Zelda

I actually did know this

Zelda (the guy wearing the green tunic with the fairy and the sword) is the Hero of Time. He has to save the princess, also named Zelda (weird, right?) from the evil King Ganon. People keep calling him Link, but this is just a ruse by the media to make you doubt. Zelda goes on all sorts of adventures collecting masks, riding trains, and fighting ghosts all in the name of the Hyrule Kingdom!

7. Half-Life 3 has been in development, will release this year

This is the real logo

That’s right! The day you all have been waiting for is on the horizon. Valve has finally seen Half-Life 3 through production with a release set for summer this year! Rejoin Gordon Freeman on his quest to do physics and kick butt in this new full 4k adventure! Releasing for the Xbox One, PS4, and the HTC Vive, Half-Life 3 is sure to please. Shut up and take my money!

6. Microsoft and Sony to release a joint console in 2018

The logo is a little… different…

With their console wars behind them, Sony and Microsoft plan to team up and deliver the future of gaming together in 2018. The system, code-named PlayBox One5, will hit shelves next holiday season. With built in VR, 8k resolution, and built-in nuclear power supply, the PlayBox One5 has its eyes set on making gaming history. Set to be priced at $899, it is sure to sell out in minutes. We personally can not wait for its arrival!

5. Kojima is rejoining Konami to continue “Silent Hill” series

Look at all that money! (This is a real picture!)

Phew, this was a close one. The company now hated for casting Kojima aside has finally realized how absolutely stupid it was and has agreed on terms to finish the work on Silent Hills. The huge success of PT and fan outcry seemed to be enough to make Konami rethink its decision. Balancing Death Stranding and Silent Hills will be no easy task, but if anyone could do it, it would be Hideo Kojima. Get ready to have your pants scared off sometime in 2018!

4. Nintendo to retire the Mario franchise after 2017

The hat is being passed like a torch

In what came as a shocking announcement, Nintendo has plans to end the series that started it all. Mario will retire from gaming and Pikachu will take over as the new ambassador of Nintendo. When asked why this decision was made, an anonymous Nintendo representative stated:

“Every person deserves to retire at some point.  Mario has had a good run, but is he very tired of rescuing the princess.”

Pikachu, which has an unknown lifespan, is still considerably younger than Mario. He should be able to hold the throne until the next hot series is born and a new face can be crowned king of games.

3. Square to cancel the FF7 Remake in favor of new My Little Pony game

This new game seems a bit grim…

This one was a real shocker. Fans have been clamoring for a Final Fantasy 7 remake for years, and despite delays, the project looked like it was going along smoothly. I was stunned to learn, mid-project, the plug was pulled in the wake of an even larger fan base: yes, the Bronies. The former FFV7 Remake team has been assigned to take on a new My Little Pony RPG. Sources say this new game will utilize the same battle system as the FF7 remake, but will star the ponies themselves in the land of Equestria. Square’s attempts to pander to too many fanbases is being viewed as a major oversight; pitting traditional FF fans against Bronies could result in chaos at gaming conventions across the world. We’ll wait to see what happens next!

2. EA is replacing the Madden franchise with a water polo series

Just look at the intensity!

Having changed very little from year to year, EA sports is making the move to shift visions and will replace the long-running Madden franchise with a new game titled “Filip Filipović Water Polo”. EA stated that with the rise in popularity of shows like Free! and the undeniably explosive athleticism of the water polo player Filip Filipović, this “seems like the right move.” Madden players may be a little upset but it is refreshing to see EA Sports do something new and challenging. Look for a demo to hit sometime later this year.

1. ET is the best selling Atari 2600 title of all time

ET, the king of games!

Selling copies into the millions, Atari’s hit classic ET was monumental for its time. With its ingenious control scheme, stunning graphics, and awe-inspiring soundtrack, ET may just be the best game of all time. Some reported that millions of copies were buried in the desert because of poor sales, but this was just fake news invented by jealous developers. The truth is, copies were buried in the desert to appease our Lord Zenu, as it was the only game worthy of his sacrifice.

Nevertheless, ET will go down in history as the best-selling game for the Atari 2600 and maybe the best-selling game of all time!

 

 

*All above statements are completely false to the best of our knowledge. But wouldn’t they be awesome!

 

 

 

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Written by: Greg

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